For reasons unknown I was reminiscing today about my Intermediate School years. Intermediate School is what New Zealanders call the dislocating experience of a wholly separate school for children aged eleven and twelve. I remember Ms Burke, my Form One teacher. I remember her hippie appearance: wild red hair, wild eyes, and her orange cable knit jersey that offered little support to her otherwise unsupported breasts. I admired her, but feared her occasionally violent mood swings.
One day, instead of normal lessons, she taught the class a salient lesson in the effect, and effectiveness, of the media. She asked the class a simple question about a recent war. It was 1982. I was an 11 year old boy, and a voracious reader in the field of war machines. I thought I knew it all. I knew about B-52s and battleships, napalm and NORAD. However, Ms Burke asked us, "Who won the Vietnam war?". Hmmm. Actually, I didn't know that. I wisely kept quiet and left it up to another 11-year-old to venture tentatively, "America?". No. "The United States of America?", asked another 11-year-old, who understood the difference. No.
What followed made it clear Ms Burke had anticipated our response. She proceeded to harangue us with a precursor of the conversation (here's the audio) between Archie (John Cleese) and Otto (Kevin Kline) in A Fish Called Wanda:
Otto: We did not lose Vietnam. It was a tie.
Archie [going into a cowboy-like drawl]: I'm tellin' ya baby they kicked your little ass there. Boy, they whooped your hide REAL GOOD!
Otto: No they didn't.
Archie: Oh yes they did.
Otto: Oh, no they didn't.
Archie: Oh yes they did.
Otto: Oh, no they... Shut up!
I was shocked, but I knew immediately that Ms Burke had done me a great favour. Thus it was easier in 1991, when I found another long-held (mis-)belief challenged. In the late seventies and early eighties I had grown up watching the news. Over the years I'd got it into my head that Iraq were the good guys, while Iran were the baddies. How? I knew all about war machines. While Iraq fought with western weapons, Iran fought with weapons bought from those dastardly Russians. It had to be that way! No again. By 1991, thanks to Ms Burke, I knew the difference between perception and reality. It made the about-turn brought on by the Gulf War much easier to cope with. So, here's to you Ms Burke, you helped me more than you will know.
P.S. Ms Burke, if you're out there somewhere I have a confession to make. Once, after my Dad had visited Los Angeles, I told you that he had been to a McDonalds and bought "hash" for breakfast. You seemed very excited by this fact, and quizzed me further. "Really?", you asked, breathlessly. I said it was so; after all, my Dad would never lie. Still, you seemed so surprised. Later, when I discovered the difference between "hash" and "hashbrowns", I knew why.
P.P.S. I've just realised what may have caused your mood swings.
