Let me set the scene. An idyll. Nicola and I living fulfilling lives together in London, our lives joined practically and spiritually. We travel, work, drink, eat, sleep, blog and dream together. Perhaps one day we will reproduce. We want to marry. Readers will be familiar with this dramatic curve. Two lovers, pastoral bliss... There must be trouble ahead, and indeed there is. Let me introduce to you this story's rocks, and hard places.
First, the rock. Nicola, like me, is a Kiwi. Unlike me, she doesn't have a British passport. Her Commonwealth working visa runs out in February next year. Once we are married she will be entitled to live and work here indefinitely.
Second, the hard place. My father, brother and sister-in-law live in the UK. My mother, Nicola's parents, sister, many of our friends and extended families live in New Zealand. Ideally we will all be together on our wedding day. The reality is that we can't be. How do we compromise? So far we've thought of:
- Marrying in Wellington. Pros. Our friends and the vast majority of our extended families can attend a traditional wedding in a church with a family connection. Nicola's parents are in favour of this option and we will be able to rely on their energy and support. Cons. My father feels too old to travel 12,000 miles and won't be able to come. My brother and sister-in-law are having a baby in December. I will need to wait until my brother and sister-in-law are ready to travel with their child. I want my brother to be a best man. It will be difficult to organise from London. We'd need to rely on our families to help organise it, or hire an events coordinator. While we grew up in Wellington, it doesn't currently feel like home.
- Marrying in London. Pros. My father, brother and sister-in-law are already here. It would be easy for us to organise. We would not need to travel or take extended time off work. Cons. My mother and Nicola's parents will need to travel. Nicola's sister Felicity, bridesmaids, and many of our friends and extended family probably won't be able to join us.
- Marrying in a registry office in London, and following it up with a church service in Wellington. Pros. Everyone can be at one or other of the ceremonies. Both ceremonies have significance and meaning for us. Cons. Nicola's parents are against the idea. They feel that literally speaking, you can only get married once. Their approval and understanding matters to us. The Wellington ceremony will still need to be organised remotely and parental disapproval will make this difficult. With two ceremonies there will be twice as much preparation and organisation.
- Elope. Pros. It worked for Percy Bysshe Shelley and Mary Wollstonecraft but she ended up writing Frankenstein. Cons. It's not what we want to do.
It's paralysing to be caught between a rock and a hard place. We've realised what we must do. Divide, conquer, and use diplomacy to persuade the rock not to form an even more formidable alliance with the deep blue sea. We can't let Nicola's visa expiry date force us into an unhappy compromise, or capitulation over our wedding plans. There will be a happy ending.
